Freudian Typo # 2 You'd probably have to be english to get this, but here it is anyway.... " boligation isn`t a factor. I want to piss up your lamp post"
:: Steve Benway 9:22 PM [+] ::
Ahhhh... sunday morning tv on Sky 1, how I love it. Cartoons, cartoons, and more cartoons. Yeah, so I'm a big kid, but it's a fun way to start/end the day. Pokemon may be pretty simplistic, but it's cute. The Simpsons... well... that just speaks for itself. The best of the bunch though, is Yu-Gi-Oh. There's something great about it that keeps me coming back for more. Unlike your typical cartoon, it's serialised, and I find myself tuning in each week to see what happens next. There are paralels between it and Pokemon, but it seems to be for a slightly older audience, incorporating not just an advanced form of card game duel, but a peculiar element of mysticism that you don't normally see in kids shows. If you've never seen it, you're missing out. WWF is on next... the funniest soap on tv. What? You don't think it's real do you? So I watch a load of vacuous trash on tv, but that's what it's there for. Movies on the other hand... that's a different story, but one for another day.
:: Steve Benway 10:32 AM [+] ::
I hope I've done this right, 'cause this page just cracked me up. If they never post again, it'll have been worth it. Classic stuff ;-) Deffinitely gonna keep my eye on this one too. It looks promisingly abrasive.
:: Steve Benway 6:37 AM [+] ::
Saturday, March 30, 2002
Freudian Typo #1 Freudian typos seem to be a rather common occurrence in the chatroom, the usual perpetrator being myself. The most notorious such typo was my misspelling of scandisk... which came out scandick. I still have trouble with that word, and am frequently reminded about it ;-) So anyway, I'm gonna start posting really good freudian typos in here, though won't actually say who they're by, just to save any embarrasment... and here's today's entry...
"its a very crunchy dong, i accidentally went heavy on the crisps"
:: Steve Benway 11:40 PM [+] ::
Oh dear. So I was checking linking urls to this site (as you do) and found I'm listed somewhere around number 6 on google when searching for "Hairy boobs" (including the "s). Did I laugh? Hah! Had to pick myself up off the floor. Pity the poor fool who comes here hoping to see pics of hairy boobs. Of course, writing this here means I'll get even more of them coming here *shrugs*.
:: Steve Benway 8:43 PM [+] ::
Hmm. A quick look at the blogs I link to shows that most of them are written by women. Not all... but most. This troubles me a little. I don't know what it means. Are women simply better writers, do I find I relate more to what women think/say, or is it just a general interest in the workings of the female mind? Maybe it's just that women seem more inclined to open up, get personal, and say what they think/feel. Oddly, in real life, I find this a complete pain in the arse, as I'm usually busy, and don't really wanna hear it... but damn, I love reading it.
Now, call me sad if you like, but Buffy is getting really good of late. Mmm.... Willow. (Get back to the topic you fool!) I'm wondering if they've taken a page from Stat Trek's book. What do I mean? Both DS9 and Voyager improved greatly when they took on a darker look/feel. The war with the Dominion, and the Battles with the Borg worked wonders for shows that were getting more than a little stale. So here we have Buffy, back from the dead, and getting down and dirty with Spike. Willow's all screwed up, and the whole feel of the show is.. well... darker. I like that. Yeah yeah, I know... I'm sad watching stuff like that... geek central and all that. To hell with it. I like what I like.
In other news. The Queen Mother died today. I don't know why I'm mentioning it here really, as I really couldn't give a monkey's about the royals. Do I feel sad? Well...hmmm. I suppose I feel a twinge, what with the recent death of my gran, but the only paralel is that of her age. I'm gonna piss a few people off here on the subject of celebrity deaths , and tell you that I was vastly more affected by the death of Ayerton Senna (F1 GP star, if you didn't know) than I was by that of Princess Di. He was someone I truly admired, while the royals mean nothing to me... and I'm english. Still, not to be too flippant on the whole subject, the Queen Mother was in my opinion the nicest of the royals.. and probably the only one worthy of respect. How she kept her composure while her children, grandchildren and whatever were all makeing asses of themselves... she set herself apart, and behaved in an altogether more royal manner.
:: Steve Benway 8:07 PM [+] ::
Friday, March 29, 2002
There are a few people out there who insist I have an accent. It's not true I tell you... it's everyone else who has one. Click Here to hear for yourself.
:: Steve Benway 8:00 PM [+] ::
The chatroom is irc based, which means we can set a topic which displays at the top of the window. Typically, this is intened for setting a topic for conversation, but being the crazy people we are, we don't do that. Instead, what usually happens is someone will say something really daft, silly, or funny in the course of the conversation, and one of the ops will cut and paste that line, totally out of context, into the topic. Pity the newcomers who stumble into the room and think the channel topic is what we're talking about ;-) These are just a few recent faves.
'* @arryana is determined to do the dishes today.'
'Benway> I really need to suct'
'arryana> i can stay awake a lot longer than you, don't forget it'
'arryana> i can't stay awake a lot longer than you, don't forget it'
'Benway> God, I'm a lazy oversleeping bastard.'
'Benway> I'm mean, I'm lame, and I should know better than to leave the topic to the mercy of others.'
'@Benway^> would you mind chewing my toenail a bit? It could do with trimming'
'Benway> no she doesn`t'
'Benway> Believe me Jodene, I know you're right - I know you're right - I know you're right!!!! hehehe'
'Benway> Oh, Koilee.... Jodene> Mmmmm =oř~~~~~~'
'Benway> I didn't say that, it wasn't me, I wasn't here.'
'arryana> whats on your mind? Benway> What mind?'
'* @arryana GIGGLES AND LICKS LUPINE'S MUZZLE'
'stop the world, i want to... uh..... i want.. uh.. what was it again?'
'8.......9.......10........COMING READY OR NOT!!!! Hey, where are you all????'
'that was a silly topic'
'Jodene eats pasta boiled in pee.'
'Benway> Jodene is the sexiest woman I've ever had the pleasure to lick!'
'Jodene's favorite colour in the whole world is PURPLE.'
'Arryana picks her nose'
'Jodene eats the boogers that arryana picks out of her nose'
'Jodene is too lame to think of a come-back'
-ChanServ- Topic lock option is now ON....ChanServ changes topic to 'nononononono'
'New topic required. All applications in writing, with a cheque for £10 will be considered'
'davinci-> I'd rather wear a pink tutu, bunny slippers, and a push-up bra than play cricket.'
'Dance like it hurts, love like you need the money, and work when people are watching'
'Dawson> What the difrence between a slug an a snail?.... "Dawson> CRUNCH!'
'Wait! This isn't the Monsterometer, it`s the Frog Exaggerator'
'@davinci-> i'd rather have my nose hairs chewed out by rabid gerbils than go to a furniture store'
'wheep whip whop doop diddly whompum.....er... do what?'
'Christopher Walken gets an anal probe'
'"hello, this is the listen lady...'yeah, well, listen, lady.'".'
'joey1> hey ben wazzzzzzzzzzzzuupp .Benway> go find a bloody lizard'
'@Benway> Never seen the original chicken version of apocalypse now? "Squawk, squawk.... the horror....squawk"'
'pl4typus> you're sleeping in the cat box!'
'justinrec> but do u guys know any good web cam chats around here?'
'@davinci-> REAL men are bald and stomp flowers'
' "no thankth, im thtill working on my thithleth"'
' `Get Confident, Stupid`'
'lordess> did you smoke a big fatty or something?'
'* @Benway^ feeds his deranged octopus to arry, in one big mouthfull. arryana> mmmphhh!'
'@arryana> llamas do like poetry, but not whitman.'
'@Jodene> ohhhhhhh chicken widdle is so berry embawassed'
'everyone hide, Benway's drunk and is telling how it is.'
'shh, hangover zone, Benway drank too much last night.'
'Benway> it`s done like a low buget european diccumentary'
'Benway^> more like chatroom d'insaity'
'@arryana> you want to give hot monkey love to benway, what?'
'Lordess> there's nothing like some good ole...fresh...hot monkey love'
'Wildmouse> I used to have a six pack... Now i only have two cans and a kebab'
'* @arryana catches it, hugs it, and sucks it contentedly'
'no, isn't, I didn't say that... not ever'
'you haven't been probed unless you've been probed by Kang and Kodos'
That's better. All that unused space at the side was rather bothering me... such a waste and all that, so I've filled it with bits and pieces. Nothing too serious, just a bit about me. Maybe later, I'll think of something useful to put there, but for the moment, that'll do
:: Steve Benway 3:01 AM [+] ::
Thursday, March 28, 2002
I like this test :-) Are You A Hit Obsessed Weblogger? My result was: TYPE C (HIT-CURIOUS). You do the weblog thing for yourself instead of for an audience, but you are aware that you do have an audience, small as it might be. You are often curious as to what other people find so interesting about your weblog. You check your weblog referrers every now and then just to satisfy your curiosity.
Yup, that sounds about right. Now, this is where you're supposed to leave comments in the box saying you read this blog because it's interesting, funny, entertaining, and thought provoking... and that I'm not at all a self indulgent/obsessed, over opinionated, arrogant bastard. *grins*
:: Steve Benway 5:21 PM [+] ::
Ever been to The Internet Archive ? It's really cool. Archives of almost much every site on the net, since the web began. You can see how my main site evolved here. What was I thinking of with that colour scheme?
:: Steve Benway 4:27 AM [+] ::
Oh bollocking goodness me. I shit don't appear to bollocking BE ABLE to arseholes CONTROL bollocking myself. What bastard CAN fucking BE wrong with me?
OMG! I didn't say that... honestly, I didn't. What am I on? Go here and see for yourself. It's nasty, mean and cruel, but I love it.
:: Steve Benway 3:59 AM [+] ::
I had something of an idea today, apart from the odd person in various blogs commenting on a lack of html knowlege... a good friend of mine has expressed an interest in learning html, while another has actually asked me to teach him. So, I'm considering giving something of a class in the chatroom, probably just a once a week thing... html for total beginners. This would just be the absolute bare basics to begin with, and progressing onto more tricky stuff if need be, as people get the hang of it, and only if they want to. Anyone who knows any html at all really wouldn't be interested. It could be fun, and certainly easier than reading a big book full of confusing jargon, especially as anyone joining in could stop me and ask questions, which you certainly couldn't do with a book. I'd just go slowly, one command or tag at a time, and not move on to the next till everyone's got it. I doubt there'd be many people participating... maybe two or three, so people who're shy, but interested needn't feel intimidated. Anyway... it's just an idea at the moment, I need to see if many people, if any, are interested. No dates, times or anything set yet, so if you like the sound of this, leave a comment.
:: Steve Benway 3:26 AM [+] ::
Wednesday, March 27, 2002
Oooooooooooh crap! Ain't that just typical? The comments script isn't working. I've figured out what's wrong... it's the yaccs server that hosts the script, it's either down or heavily overloaded, so even though the code is still in the blog template, the scrip the code calls isn't being loaded. The bigger problem with that is, the many blogs that use the script now take ages to load. I hope they fix it soon, as it'd be a shame to have to go and find a new one, what with all the comments that've accumulated over the weeks.
It really makes me smile when I see mention in other blogs about things I've written in here. It made me chuckle that it made you chuckle... you know who you are :-) Actually, I'll leave a comment there when the comment script starts working again, don't worry, nothing ominous, just something I can help with if you like.
So anyway, I was in town today, went fo a cup of coffee with my mum. It occurred to me while up there, that I have no clue about current fashion... not that I ever did, but still. It made me smile, 'cause punk is back in. Maybe it has been for a while and I just haven't noticed, but hey, I don't get out much. Oi! Stop telling me to get a life, I like being a hermit. Anyway, it just made me smile, as I used to be into the whole punk thing first time around, so even though the current look is entirely sanitised and bubblegum coated, it was fun to see all these cute kids wandering around with pink spikey hair, bright t-shirts, and vacant, if not entirely rebellious expressions on their faces. I wonder if there's a musical style that goes with this look, or if it's entirely a recycled visual thing. The question now is, will the gothic look make a comeback? I REALLY hope so. Let me leave you in no doubt, I utterly UTTERLY love the gothic look, especially on women. I suppose the sad thing is, if it does make a comeback, the people wearing that stuff will be vastly too young for me to do anything but smile at quietly. Oh for a 30ish gothic maiden. What's that you say? Bauhaus broke up? Well damnit!
:: Steve Benway 11:30 PM [+] ::
I'm thinking I need to clarify my view on this whole "link-slut" thing, as that's what really rattled my cage. For sure, I suppose some blog writers may simply link to as many other blogs as they can find, in the hope of getting a return link... and that in itself is a pretty cheap thing to do. However, and it's a pretty BIG however, I'm a firm believer that a really good blog has links to other quality blogs. Stuff that the writer believes is worth reading. There are at least two perfect examples of this in the links from this blog. Don't Mind Me and A Fire Inside are two great blogs, good to read, with real integrity... and full of links to other excellent blogs. Does that make them 'link-sluts`? Absolutely not! I've come across more good blogs from links on blogs such as theirs, than I could ever hope to find by browsing through the directory, or in that little list of recently updated blogs. Quality links are vital if other good blogs are going to get the exposure they deserve, so to deride blog writers for filling their page with such links is nothing short of foolish, eliteist crap.
For the record, I'm extremely fussy about blogs I link to... only linking to ones that I actually read, and getting a return link isn't a factor. Sure, it's nice to get one, but that's not why I do it... I just think they're great blogs that deserve as much exposure as they can get. In the same way, I don't automatically give return links to people who link to me. I've spotted one or two blogs that have linked to me, and no disrespect to their writers, but they aren't something I'd read, so I don't link back to them. How anyone can describe a writer who links to other good pages as a link-slut is beyond me. We aren't here to compete with each other, so what's wrong with giving exposure to those who really deserve it?
:: Steve Benway 12:54 AM [+] ::
Tuesday, March 26, 2002
Hmm. I suppose a partial retraction may be in order. That article was written over a year ago, so things have indeed moved on from then. Still... it did annoy me. *Grumbles*
:: Steve Benway 8:45 PM [+] ::
This article annoys the crap out of me. Here's a small quote. "Blogger has also spawned "link-sluts" - cliquey, second-generation webloggers who link to better blogs in the hope of a link in return. Despite Blogger's impressive figures, the number of quality weblogs hasn't quite reached critical mass." The guy who wrote this article has so entirely missed the point. It's been written from the perspective of viewing blogs as portals, which I guess some are, but not all. Doesn't he realise that a great many blogs AREN'T about providing a selection of links to favoured websites viewed by the writer that day. So many of the really good blogs are much more of a personal online diary, and so what if they have a mass of links to other blogs? If the blog itself is of a decent quality, then the chances are, the many links on that page are also likely to be of a good quality... just take a look at the links on this blog and decide for yourself. I guess what pisses me off is, he's slagging off a particular type of blog, and describing them as second generation, as if that's a bad thing. Get a clue guy. Ever heard of evolution? Y'know... Darwin? If that's supposed to be a news item, you should perhaps get with the times, 'cuase things have moved on. Blogs are so much more than simply posting a mass of links to websites, with the odd little remark or comment. They're personal... and they're creating a whole new community on the web.
:: Steve Benway 7:08 PM [+] ::
Creativity is a strange thing. Sometimes ideas just come pouring out with no concious effort. Music, art or writing just seems to create itself as if by magic, press the buttons, scribble with the pen, twiddle the knobs, and there it is, another new masterpiece. And then there are days when absolutely nothing happens. The page remains blank, the empty canvas remains empty, or the sounds coming from the instrument are reminiscant of wailing cats. This is one of those un-inspiring days, so I guess I'm trying to make something out of nothing. Have I succeeded? Hardly. Feel free to go read somthing else now, 'cause there's nothing here worth reading right now.
:: Steve Benway 5:23 PM [+] ::
Oh my. Talk about take me by surprise. I don't know what to say, except thank you Jack :-)
:: Steve Benway 3:09 AM [+] ::
Monday, March 25, 2002
THIS is clever. No, it's very VERY clever. Take the test, I dare you. Here's what it said about me.
Enough is enough - you feel frustrated and rejected. You are fighting back and the going is tough. It would be just wonderful if you could be left in peace.
You are a leader in every sense of the word. You know where you are going and you know what you need to do in order to get there. You exercise an inherent initiative in overcoming obstacles and difficulties. You either hold, or wish to achieve, a position of authority by means of which full control can be exerted over events.
You honestly believe that your hopes and ideas are realistic, but there seems to be no one around to give you the necessary reassurance and encouragement. You are egocentric. You believe that you are always 'right' - well maybe you are but you have a short fuse and are likely to take offence for the slightest reason.
As of late, you have been experiencing untold stress and this is a result of continuous frustration. You haven't been taking care of all your physical needs and it's beginning to show. It would seem that you have a need to find someone to whom you can really relate - someone perhaps whose standards are as high as your own. You want to be different - to be individualistic - to stand out from the common herd. Your inherent control of your sensual instincts is restricting your ability to give yourself to open up freely but this being on your own, being lonely, often makes you feel the need to give up some of your strict standards to surrender to the general flow - to be like everyone else; a part of the herd. Deep down you regard such instincts as weaknesses to be overcome. You would like to be loved or admired for yourself alone. You demand recognition and tender loving care.
There is that inherent fear that you may be prevented from attaining the better things in life - those things that you consider essential to your well-being. So you are prepared to try everything to prove to yourself that whatever you do or try will go wrong. This destructive attitude could come under the heading of 'a self fulfilling prophesy'. This belittling yourself is your method of disguising how hopeless and what a waste of time you feel that everything is. So now turn it about. As you 'think', so you are... So 'imagine' yourself successful. 'Pretend', 'act it out' and you may be pleasantly surprised at the outcome.
You've tried lots of these little online tests, I'm sure... I know I have. This one though, is simpler than any of the others, much simpler, and frighteningly accurate. You might even learn something. I'm impressed.
I guess you could say I`m in a typical Benway mood. Not strictly a bad mood, and not entirely irritable. How to describe it? It's not one of those sod off and leave me alone moods either.... hmmm. Okay, I have it. It's a "Don't bother telling me about it, I couldn't care less" kind of mood. Yeah, that about covers it. Don't tell me anything that requres any ammount of thought, and absolutely don't ask me to do anything. I can't be bothered, and I can't even be bothered to explain why, beyond saying it here. Damn, I'm lazy.
:: Steve Benway 6:45 PM [+] ::
Sunday, March 24, 2002
Lalalalala...*cough* *choke* Okay, so it's true, I'm writing my blog while drunk as a skunk. Well whadayagonnadoaboutit? *hic* Ohhhhhh myyyyyyy........... arry's legs. *drool* So..... what could I possible tell you, while talking a load of old crap that means nothing at all? Ummmmmm I love you all........ except that person over there. Oi! You! You're a boring old fart! Sod off! Hehehehe
:: Steve Benway 2:53 AM [+] ::
Saturday, March 23, 2002
Just to save her any awkward questions at work, I won't mention Lordess' name, but we love her... she's great :-) Lordess> I try to read your weblogs at work to catch up Lordess> while those bitch pigs that i work with look over my shoulder and ask "who's that"....and I reply...Bugger off
:: Steve Benway 10:20 PM [+] ::
Ok, the applet is now pointing at dalnet, so chat from the website should be up and running again. Mirc users, we're now in #Benway on dalnet. As a matter of minor interest, the London server, called defiant, is actually not in London at all, but based in my home town of Milton Keynes, which rather pleases me :-) Hope to see you all soon. Oh, and any regular readers of this blog, feel free to drop in any time, we're a friendly crowd. It's only the typical braindead aol user who gets a hard time, and you aren't one of those, or you wouldn't be reading this :-)
:: Steve Benway 9:27 PM [+] ::
Regular chatters in the cam chatroom may have noticed that the chat network has become very unstable and unreliable of late. Soooooo..... I'm in the process of registering the room on dalnet. Users of the java applet on the website won't notice a difference when this process is completed, while mirc users will need to log onto dalnet instead of Newnet. The process isn't complete yet, but as soon as it's all set up, I'll let you know. It's a pain in the arse, I know and I'm sorry, especially as we only moved across from icqnet a few months back, but the situation on newnet has become totally unacceptable.
:: Steve Benway 1:41 PM [+] ::
Friday, March 22, 2002
Here's an even stranger one. What kind of post is this?
:: Steve Benway 10:07 PM [+] ::
Is anyone really daft enough to leave a comment on a post like this? Now, give some serious thought, before answering that question.... it's important.
:: Steve Benway 9:52 PM [+] ::
Maybe I'm just really fussy about what I read, but after spending a good two hours trolling through blogs, I only managed to find ONE that was actually enjoyable to read. Certainly it would be wrong for me to criticise the quality of other people's blogs... each to their own, and all serving different purposes or whatever, and it's a sure bet that plenty of people would find mine boring as hell. It just frustrates me that I find it so hard to find something that says anything meaningful by and about the author... that gives the reader a glimpse of their life and character, and does it in an interesting or original way. Kind of explains why there are so few links on this page... I'm a fussy bastard, but hey, I'm a virgo, what do you expect?
:: Steve Benway 8:17 PM [+] ::
There was a test result here, but now there isn't. It would't display correctly.
:: Steve Benway 9:55 AM [+] ::
Thursday, March 21, 2002
Rule number one for the truly stupid: If you're going to cheat, don't mount a neon sign above your head announcing the fact. What am I talking about? We'll come to that in a moment, but first, a little background.
I've always had an above average ability to figure a person out in a very short time, something that's saved my skin more than once. I watch people, body language and such, and also listen to them, what they say, how they say it, and often more importantly, what they don't say. Okay, I may get it slightly wrong every once in a while, but as a rule, I can have a person figured in about 10 seconds flat, at least to the point where I know their basic character. When do I watch people? Always, constantly... if there are people around, I watch them. It's a constant learning process, and the more you do it, the better you get.
So, the story. I was in the local job centre today, signed my name on the waiting list, took a seat, and did what I always do... made a quick observation of everyone who was there and waiting before me, checked those faces against the names on the list above mine, and proceeded to discretely observe the characters in the office. After maybe 10 minutes, a young man walked in, and I clocked him immediately for what he was. Didn't need 10 seconds for this one, I had him pinned in a millisecond... he was a wideboy, and up to no good. There's a very subtle difference between the body language of someone who's merely cocky and self confident, and someone who's out to pull a fast one. His movements were exagerated, angular and jerky. His eyes didn't settle on one point for more than a fraction of a second. This was the kind of guy who'd steal from his best friend, or smash a bottle over a stranger's head in a bar if he didn't like the way they looked at him... but more, he'd only do it if their back was turned to him. I continued to watch. He walked 'casually' around the place, speaking to the occasional person, "Alright mate, how're you doing? Fucking shit in here isn't it?" and they'd maybe nod, or mutter in reply, and go about their business. After a few minutes, he came over to the waiting area, picked up the waiting list, looked at the name on the list of the person who was due to be seen next, and said "Has Steve Harris been through yet?" That name, if said very quickly, might be mistaken for my name, if you happened to be deaf. No-one answered, and I watched as he put a tick next to the name on the list, sat down next to another guy, and started speaking to him. "Hello me old mate, I really need to see these bastards in a hurry." Shortly after, one of the advisors in the office came to the waiting area, picked up the list, and read out the next name. It was my name. Straight away, this guy gets up, "Yep, that's me." I looked him in the eye, approached the woman, and said "Excuse me, I don't mean to be funny, but could you show me the name you just read out?" She showed me my name. I said "That's me, that's my writing, and here's my id." The guy glared at me and said "What? Harris... it sounds the same doesn't it?" I looked him straight in the eye again, and paused for two seconds before saying "Did I accuse you of anything?" He looked enraged and replied "You said I'm pushing in and trying to steal your place." I rolled my eyes, shook my head, and said "I said that this was my name on the list, nothing more. You're giving yourself away here, especially since there is no Harris on that list." Before he could get really irate, the woman said to him "I think you should either put your name on the list, and wait like everyone else, or else leave the building" by which time, there was already a large security guard standing rather prominently not too far away. The guy swore loudly, took the list, signed his name, and sat down. Neon signs are such a giveaway, especially when you don't even realise you have one.
:: Steve Benway 3:31 PM [+] ::
Hehehe. I thought I'd be data, but this is so much cooler, and soooo true ;-)
Have you ever watched a dog walking along a street and pissing up EVERY single lampost it comes across? Pretty bizarre behaviour, from the perspective of your typical human being. However... it seems there is a human equivalent and I'll be honest, it annoys the crap out of me. Anyone know what I'm talking about? The prize for anyone who guesses correctly is the url to a photo of me wearing a suit. Do you have any idea how rare a sight that is?
:: Steve Benway 3:19 AM [+] ::
Wednesday, March 20, 2002
The funeral was today. All went smoothly, which was a relief, as those of us involved with making the arrangements were maybe a little nervous. "Did we forget anything? What if it all goes wrong? Oh god I hope we did this right." It rained, though the general mood wasn't too sombre. Calm and respectful, with just a few tears... that's how I'd describe it. The gathering back at the house after the service was rather a cramped affair. There had been maybe 30 or so people at the service, and I counted around 17 heads back at the house afterwards. There weren`t enough chairs, but none of those left standing seemed bothered, and there was more than enough food, tea, and other drinks to go around. My sister is a nurse, but should she ever choose to go into catering, I'm sure she'd do fine, as she did a great job taking care of that side of things. I'd like to think my gran would have aproved of how it all went. Not a big flashy affair, but simple, respectable, and respectful, which is very much how she and my grandfather lived their lives. She, like my granfather, will be sorely missed.
:: Steve Benway 7:27 PM [+] ::
Tuesday, March 19, 2002
It's a good job I don't pay too much attention to these tests, otherwise I'd believe I'm a bipolar original vampire who's out to dominate the world. Er... ok, so they're right after all.
You are a dominating person. People don't stand in your way. Everybody basically does what you say. And if they don't, they better start, or you just might have one of your henchmen kill them.
Just like "When the Levee Breaks" dominates Led Zeppelin IV, you dominate your world. You don't have time for nonsense (it's surprising you even took this quiz) and you would love to be dictator of the world someday.
You are dark and scary, and you probably don't at all care about this quiz, if you even bothered to read your results.
I'm having a blonde moment. Actually, I'm having a platinum blonde, multiple peroxide bleached, ultra no brain moment. Oh, wait.. no... that's my usual state of mind. So... today I'm like that, but more so. Truth is, I'm supposed to be doing stuff right now, and rather than actually doing any of it, I'm just sitting here trying to think of something to write... so in the end, I'm making a bad job of both. Nothing new there then. Someone wanna come do my laundry for me?
:: Steve Benway 7:01 PM [+] ::
Just a quickie, after browsing through a few random blogs. You know what really annoys me? Huge great big images at the top of a blog, that take ages to load. Have these people no idea that the image pushes their text off the bottom of the browser, so that all the visitor sees is a big empty space untill it loads? It's very bad design policy, as having to scroll down just to find the content is more inclined to make a person simply leave, than read their carefully worded masterpiece. Maybe it's simply that they have broadband, and forget how slow such huge images are to load on a humble 56k connection. Either way, I find it both ignorant and arrogant. Bad blog writers. Bad bad blog writers. Stop it at once. *chuckle*
:: Steve Benway 10:25 AM [+] ::
I had some rather curious dreams last night. Not the unsettling or disturbing variety that have been messing with my head of late, so much as some kind of bizarre erotica. This can mean only one thing... it's been waaaaaaaaaay too long since I had sex. Hehehe. Oh what the heck, I'm gonna do that rather lame thing that seems to be rather fashionable in certain types of blog, and tell you exactly how long it's been. Not for any silly shock value, not because it's fashionable, and certainly not because I feel like standing on a table and yelling "Hey everyone, look at me, I haven't had sex in ages" in the lame hope that some woman will take pity on me and come screw my brains out. I'm just going to tell you because it's relevant to who I am, and how I live by my principles. "Just shut up and tell us" I hear you say. Okay... it's been 2 years.
Has that got you wondering? How on earth can a 33 year old single male with no kids and very few responsibilities have gone 2 years without having sex? Am I so butt ugly that no woman would go near me? *Shrugs* You can see my picture on the left there, so judge for yourself... I certainly don't think so. Am I some kind of social retard who can't hold a conversation or just gives women the creeps? Hardly. Am I physically incapable? Nope. I must be gay or something? Haha... absolutely not. So how is it that I've gone 2 years without it? I'll tell you. I don't do casual sex. Never have, and never will. Having sex with a woman other than one I'm involved in a relationship with just isn't my thing. That in itself is probably no biggie, but it does leave you with another question. Why haven't I been in a relationship for 2 years? You could ask all the same questions as above, and the answers would be the same. I guess after the last relationship I had, with a woman now affectionately known by me as `The Dragon`, I'm totally off the whole relationship thing. Maybe it's the type of women I attract, as they've all wanted something I wasn't prepared to give... be it kids, someone to support the kids they already have, an emotional crutch, or just 24/7 attention. I have certain goals I want to achieve, things I want to do that require an ammount of time and commitment, and I'm not prepared to sacrifice those things for the sake of being in a relationship. Does that make me a selfish bastard? You'd better believe it. Looking at it from another perspective though... I'm not such a total bastard. Knowing what I do about myself and what I want, it would be very easy for me to get involved with a some woman or other, have my wicked way, and then as soon as the matter of commitment comes up, just walk away... but I don't do that. It really wouldn't be right to pretend I'm what someone wants or needs in a man, purely for the sake of getting what I want, and then running when my bluff is called. I'm selfish, but I'm not that selfish.
So what does this all mean? Pretty simple really. If you love sex, but don't do casual sex and aren't prepared to bullshit about your level of commitment, expect to have some pretty freaky erotic dreams sometimes. That, or just pray you hit the jackpot, and meet a woman who has the same values as you. Wouldn't that be nice? (Imagines ideal partner) She lives a few blocks away, is very wrapped up in her own life, but comes over each night, passionate sex for a couple of hours, goes to sleep, gets up in the morning, chats over a cup of coffee, and then goes back to her own life. Maybe go out for drinks or movies a couple of times a week, but no more requirements than that. What a wonderful dream.... but oh, what's that pig doing flying past my window?
:: Steve Benway 9:59 AM [+] ::
Sunday, March 17, 2002
*Sigh* Constantly tired at the moment. No, that's not quite right. Not tired as in needing to sleep, but physically drained. I'm finding it very hard to just sit in this chair for any length of time. I go into the chatroom, and regardless weather there are people there or not, I just find myself wanting to go back to bed. It'll be fine when I have my routine back in order, but that still feels like a distant point in the future. Without being specific, the next couple of weeks are going to be rather trying. Hmm... no, I'm not going to follow that train of thought, there's too much potential to go into self pitying winge mode, and it's both unjustified, and unfair to the people concerned. Isn't it an irony, when the real world has such a dramatic effect on your internet life? In the past, it always worked the other way around for me. I've lost jobs in the past through spending so much time with online projects, not getting enough sleep, being late, etc. Call that fucked up, but it's the normal order of my life, and how I've come to expect things to work. So, when it works the other way... I dunno, it feels strange to me.
:: Steve Benway 10:16 PM [+] ::
Saturday, March 16, 2002
I can't remember if I've written about this here before, but if I have, please excuse me, I'm gonna do it again. What am I gonna write about? A bloody O L !!! I hate aol. No... let me be more be more specific, I REALLY HATE AOL USERS!!!!! What is the reason for my venomous dislike for these creatures, and why do I wish they were all burned at the steak? Well... you may or may not know that I run a webcam chatroom. Before entering this room, you are presented with a page of instructions on how the room works, how to see the cams, how to display cams... everything you would need to know. Once in the room, there's a very bright and obvious menu on the right, with prominent, well marked links saying things like "Click Here To See The Webcams" or "INSTRUCTIONS", just for those people who're too lazy to read them before entering the room. So.... what does this have to do with my dislike for aol users? Well, aol makes it very easy for people to get online... even a retarded baboon could use aol. Now, anyone with half a functioning brain would choose a real isp, since aol sucks, which means the average aol user is...ummm... let me be blunt, they`re blithering idiots and total morons (at least, the ones who come to my room are). So, almost without fail, the first thing these people say on entering my room is "How do I see the webcams?" Like... duh! The link couldn't be much more obvious, but do they have the brainpower to think of even looking? Like hell. The next question they ask is "How do I show my cam in here?" On being directed to read the instructions, which are again, very prominently positioned, they ask "Where are the instructions?" ARRRRGH!!!! I hate them, I hate them, I hate them. Perhaps it's unfair of me to brand every single user of this `so called` isp as braindead, but so far, not one single user who's entered my room has shown any noticable intelligence whatsoever. I don't just mean being a bit slow... I mean utterly moronic. So, if you happen to be that one in a million aol user with an IQ greater than a newborn baby's shoe size, you have my condolences... now go get a real isp!
Now I'll just sit back and wait for the abuse to start piling into my comments box, as that's another thing they're good at, though few ever manage an intelligent argument, so it should be amusing ;-) Isn't it fun to be controvercial once in a while? *evil grin*
What to write, what to write? No, seriously, what am I supposed to write in this thing? I've done nothing today but sleep, and watch tv. Would someone like to come and write it for me? If you can make it interesting, I'll even bring you coffee while you do it... especially as I haven't managed to do that myself (making it interesting, not making coffee). Hmmph. Arry won't do it. @Benway> now @Benway> write my blog, damnit @arryana> no @Benway> meanie See what I mean? And I was so polite too. I won't post what she said after that ;-) Okay, so I totally give up. I'm just gonna sit back, watch Scrubs, and let arry abuse me :-)
:: Steve Benway 8:43 PM [+] ::
Ahhhhhhhhhh.... that is so much better. Saturday and sunday all to myself. I can totally forget everything till monday. No little errands, no obligations or commitments. Two whole days to do whatever I like, which will probably be nothing whatsoever. I do have a new tune I've been working on, but maybe that can wait too. This is gonna be a complete veg-out weekend. Probably the most taxing thing on the agenda will be to spend some time in the chatroom and catch up on whatever I've missed. Does this mean I'm back and raring to go? Well, no.. not yet, but it's a step in the right direction.
:: Steve Benway 2:16 PM [+] ::
Friday, March 15, 2002
Ok, hold it. Stop the world. I don't want to get off... I just want a break. I'm not going to rant. No... no... I'm not, I'm not I'm not. If only you knew. I just want one day off, but it would seem that I can't have it.
:: Steve Benway 3:14 PM [+] ::
Ah, finally, blogger is working again. I tried and failed on several occasions last night to publish the previous post. I wish I wasn't awake right now. Six hours isn`t nearly ehough sleep for me, but I woke up with bad dreams. What were the dreams about? Eh, very predictable. Lots of little snippets, people going away, and the nagging feeling that I'm supposed to be doing something.
:: Steve Benway 6:40 AM [+] ::
Thursday, March 14, 2002
It's hard to know what to write at times like this, the point of my blog being to let people know what's happening in my life, what I think and how I feel. I have reservations about doing that under the present circumstances though, as the death of a relative really isn't something to be paraded before the masses, or written about for the amusement of the readers. Not that I mind talking about how I feel, it's simply a matter of respect for my gran. Obviously, I've written an amount already, but I've tried to keep it purely factual, or to make known certain things that people who I have contact with should know... just in case they thought I was behaving unusually. For the now though, I'll just say all the arrangements are complete and everything seems to be in order. Maybe soon, when things have settled, I'll share my feelings, but for the moment and at least untill the funeral next week, it will be a closed subject. That's not to say I won't be thinking about it, I just won't be writing about it.
:: Steve Benway 6:29 PM [+] ::
Wednesday, March 13, 2002
Busy day. My uncle and aunt came over to help dealing with funeral arrangements. I was very relieved, as my uncle knew what to do, and got the ball rolling, where my mum simply couldn't have coped, and I'd have been a little lost. We initially went to the hospital to pick up various cirtificates, then to my gran's solicitors, who will deal with all of the financial and legal aspects, and finally to the funeral directors. Tomorrow, my sister will be taking me to the registry office, to take various forms, and collect the death cirtificate and various other forms... and then back to the solicitors and funeral directors with said forms and cirtificate. Later in the week, the minister who will be doing the service will visit my mum, to work out the details, and I'll make sure I'm on hand to assist in any way I can.
I have to admit, I'm relieved that it's gone so smoothly, and that the necesary people involved are so efficient, taking most of the pressure off my family. I'm finding myself more involved in the arrangements than I had expected, making myself available to find and deliver various doccumentation, and liasing on behalf of my mum wherever I can. I think it's important that I do this, as my mum really isn't someone who can cope with such things, and my aunt doesn't live locally.
As a final note in this post, I'd like to thank all those who've left messages and emails of support and condolence. It's always reassuring to have caring people around at difficult times. I'm not sure how much I'll be online over the coming days and weeks, as much of my time is likely to be taken helping with various arrangements, and then making sure my mum is okay, and helping her get sorted and settled after the funeral.
:: Steve Benway 6:23 PM [+] ::
Tuesday, March 12, 2002
My sister just phoned me bearing bad news. My gran died last night. One small mercy is that she didn't appear to know anything about it, having been unconcious for several days. I'm going to ring my mum now, to make sure she's okay... see if she wants company, or if there's anything I can do. It hasn't sunk in yet, though I guess I've been half expecting it... I dunno.. what's to be said? Better to say nothing just now.
:: Steve Benway 8:10 AM [+] ::
The need for sleep is a total pain in the arse sometimes. I went into chat and couldn't manage more than a couple of hours, or three at the most, before I had to crash again to try and catch up. It's a pity, because I love the people who go there, and the place does die a bit, when I'm not around for a while. Ah well, I guess I'll get my sleep pattern back into order sooner or later. I've decided what I'm going to do about that tune I couldn't complete. It's going in the trash. The bits I have may be good, but if I can't make it work as a whole, there's no sense flogging a dead horse... so in the bin with it, and I'll start something entirely new. So... whatever comes next, I'm going to try a different approach. Up till now, I've always used a fairly minimalist approach to the construction of the tune. It's time to get ambitious, and do something huge :-)
:: Steve Benway 6:15 AM [+] ::
Monday, March 11, 2002
Today's been something of a struggle, I guess. Couldn't sleep when I logged off this morning, so I decided to work on some tunes I've has sitting around for a while. The first one, I decided to leave alone, as there's nothing more I can do with it, till I'm ready to mess with samples, vocals and stuff. The second tune only had a couple of instrument tracks laid down, so I started working on some new ones. Trouble is, each part I came up with sounded great on its own, but all together... it was just a mess. This is deffinitely turning out to be the difficult second album. So, after wasting five or six hours, I tried to sleep again. Huh. Do you ever feel like the world's conspiring against you? If it wasn't the cat pestering me to be fed, or to go out, it was the phone ringing, or someone knocking on the door. It wouldn't really matter, but I haven't had a decent nights sleep in a couple of days, so I'm feeling pretty worn down now. Ho hum. Time to go into the chatroom. I hope it's gonna be an easy night in there... I can't be asked to be dealing with anything requiring me to think.
:: Steve Benway 9:25 PM [+] ::
Sunday, March 10, 2002
Huh. I've been running a dialup optimisation program for a while, Net Accelerator, or somesuch, and finally decided to un-install it, as it didn't seem to be doing much good. However, upon removing it, it seemed to leave behind some rather nasty stuff. Being reasonably security concious, I always run a firewall, and I noticed that this program kept trying to access the net via port 80, the http port. So, I did what I usually do, and blocked it. Trouble is, after doing this, my pc would become eratic, refusing to access the web after a time, blocking my webcam broadcast, crashing my browser, and giving me a weird looking dialup gui when I reconnected. So, as an experiment, I allowed this program access, just to see what would happen. Nope... not a good idea. Instantly, the send and recieve lights on my modem started going bananas. I don't know what data this thing was sending, but I was having none of it, and blocked it immediately. My first reaction was to remove it (I didn't delete it, just in case it really screwed things up... just moved it out of the windows folder into another drawer), however, on doing this, I found that once online, I couldn't connect to anything. No web sites, no irc, no nothing, so I put it back, and continued to block it. Two days of putting up with erratic behaviour from my computer got me really mad though, so I started searching google for refferences to this program, and finally found one useful one. Basicly, what I should've done was reboot after removing it. So... I swiftly removed it again, and then rebooted. Hooray! It worked. Everything's back to normal. The morel of this tale? Always run a firewall, don't waste your time with connection optimisation software, and if you see any files in your windows directory called asicutil2.exe, get rid of it, and reboot... you don't know what it might be doing.
:: Steve Benway 9:49 PM [+] ::
Legal contracts in the music business are frightening things. I've been looking over a contract with my distributor with regard to licencing my music for use on radio, tv, movies and corporate promotions etc. It doesn't look bad, but you never can tell with these things. At first glance, it would appear that I pretty much give the distributor the right to do whatever they like with my music, provided that I am credited as the creator of the material, and recieve royalties for it's use. It also appears to be a non-exclusive contract, meaning that if I should be approached by a major record company or similar, I would be free to do so, and that I can terminate the contract at any time. Sounds good, but I'm going to have to read it over at length, as I'd hate to find myself trapped by such a deal. Needless to say, I haven't signed yet.
:: Steve Benway 2:05 AM [+] ::
Saturday, March 09, 2002
Windows really sucks. What kind of company would write an o/s that can screw itself up with no tinkering by the user? I don't know why, but this thing is gradually eating it's own hard drive. I ran scan disk yesterday, and went from having a reported 50meg free to 600 meg free. Great, I thought... there must've just been a checksum error somewhere. So today, I fire the beast up, and I now have 530meg free. Did I install some 70meg file? Hell no. Windows just sucks!
So anyway, this posting is a little late. I was doing some promo work for my CD this afternoon... full track listing and descriptions, you can see it here if you're interested. After that, my browser refused to work, and I was too tired to reboot and update this blog, so I went to bed.
:: Steve Benway 1:44 AM [+] ::
Friday, March 08, 2002
Finally! Yes, yes, YES!!! The CD featuring my tunes is available for sale. I've only been waiting maybe a year for peoplesound to pull their finger out, so I'm pretty excited about this. There are free mp3s available too, so you can hear what my music's like. It's all HERE !
:: Steve Benway 1:55 AM [+] ::
Thursday, March 07, 2002
Busy day. Woke up early after maybe 4 hours sleep, mooched around a bit just doing bits and pieces, and then walked into town (about 4 miles). After sorting out a few things there, I walked over to the hospital (another 4 miles). My mum and aunt were both there before me... and my mum's neighbour, was just walking out as I was walking in. It was rather odd, as she greeted me by name, and I had to think for a moment before I realised who she was... only having seen her once before, over a year ago. My gran's still very ill, but stable. I sat there, while chatting with my mum and aunt, and watched her. Not staring... just attentive. She has the look of someone in a deep, but fitful sleep... stirring every once in a while, mumbling, and pulling off the oxygen mask, whenever the nurses put it back on her. I guess that's an example of what I said previously, she's a strong woman.... strong willed. I could almost imagine what she'd have said, each time she pulled the mask off "No. I don't want this silly thing. Take it off" It was a relief to see her. Much as I'd sooner see her well, it was a relief to see her relatively peaceful, and not struggling. My mum said it was distressing, last night, watching her laboured breathing, and is very relieved that she's settled back into a stable condition. She'd been there all night, and hadn't actually slept since, so I hope she gets some sleep tonight.
Seeing my aunt again was interesting. It's the first time I've seen her in 5 years, and the first time I've ever actually spoken with her at lenght, as an adult. It was fascinating to see how similar her and my mum really are, both in looks, and temprement. I'd never realised up untill today how alike they are. I'd better end this for now... I'm very tired, and need some sleep. I guess I'll be late getting into chat tonight, but with the way the place has been going lately, I'm sure it'll tick over nicely without me for a few hours.
:: Steve Benway 6:38 PM [+] ::
In other news today.... Do you know, there's absolutely nothing like that first gulp of cold coke in the morning. It just hits you so hard, like being slapped in the face with the proverbial octopus. I love it :-) I finally, after what must be nearly a year, managed to see the final double episode of Star Trek - Voyager yesterday. It's been on the tv twice now in the uk, and I missed it both times, so I was rather pleased when I bought the video, if a little anxious. Why anxious, you ask? Well, the final double episode of The Next generation was great... possibly the best, but they made a total pig's ear of DS9, and I'd heard one or two bad reports about this one. I shouldn't have been concerned... it's possibly the best episode of any Star Trek series I've seen. Great acting (barring Harry Kim's little speech. Ugh!), great effects, very tense at times, high energy, two Katherine Janeways (who'd ever have thought that was a good thing?) and lots of borg (always a good thing). So I enjoyed it then? Hell yes!
:: Steve Benway 9:52 AM [+] ::
No news actually wasn't good news. I was unable to reach my mother by phone last night, and simply assumed she'd gone to bed for an early night. Not so. The hospital had phoned her, telling her my gran had about two hours to live. It turned out, on top of everything else, she had a chest infection, which had given her a high fever. After pumping her full of antibiotics, she's now stable again. Here's a thing that bothers me... they have her on oxygen, or rather, they want to have her on oxygen, but each time she regains conciousnes, she pulls the mask or tube off. The question is, does she do this because she's confused and it simply irritates her, or are there darker reasons? Is this her way of saying "I've had enough of this, let me be with my husband"? My mother was asked the question, if the situation arose that they had to ressusiatate my gran, did she want them to, or to let her go. She didn't know what to answer, and only after talking at length with my sister, said yes. What would you do? I suppose my view on that is very arbitrary, which is the kind of person I am... ressusitate the first time, and the second, and third... and then don't. Very easy for me to say, when I'm not the one making the decision. Would I make the same one if it was my mother, sister, brother or wife (if I had one)? I truly hope I never have to find out.
:: Steve Benway 9:18 AM [+] ::
Wednesday, March 06, 2002
No news is good news, I hope. Nothing to report yet, and I'm not awake enough to write about anything else just now. Need a little time for the caffein to kick in, so I guess I`ll come back to this later.
:: Steve Benway 9:32 PM [+] ::
Tuesday, March 05, 2002
I cancelled a dentist appointmet today, with the intention of going to visit my gran in hospital, but was unable to reach my sister or mum, to find out what was happening regarding her condition, ward, etc. With hindsight, I should've just rang the hospital itself and asked, but I was in something of an addled frame of mind, and just didn't think of it. Anyway, I reached my mum on the phone tonight, and sat talking with her for about an hour. It seems they aren't totally sure what's happened to my gran... she shows a lot of typical stroke symptoms, confusion, incoherent speach, and appears to be in an ammount of pain at times, but she has pretty much full motor control, and nothing showed up on the brain scan. The're going to do another one tomorrow, I think, as the first one may have been done too soon to show anything. There are so many things running through my head regarding all of this.. it's both confusing, and distressing. The biggest worry is what if she dies? My great grandfather died of a stroke years ago, and this brings back memories of that time, so though there's no reason to assume she won't recover, it's a big worry. My mother lives with her, and has never been alone in her life. I don't think she could cope, and I don't know what to do about that, for more reasons than I care to talk about here. Then there's the guilt. I've always kept my gran, and my grandad when he was alive, at arms length. Not because I don't love or care about them, so much as that I have this idealised view of them as the perfect couple. They represent something to me, that's never changed since I was a I child, and I suppose I've been afraid to get to know her/them, for fear of damaging that ideal image. Now I don't know if it's too late to actually do something about that... and if it isn't, do I have the guts to explain my keeping my distance? My grandad died about five years ago of cancer, and with the nature of that, it came as no shock when he died, but when out of the blue, a family member, or someone you care for is struck down, it comes as a shock. Eh... listen to me, I'm talking as if she's dead. I keep having to remind myself that there's no reason to believe she won't recover. I guess I just have a morbid nature, negative attitude or something. She's a strong woman, and at eightysomething, maybe not physically strong, but mentally, she's the strongest woman I know, and I admire her for it. I guess I've spent most of the day trying not to think about it, so writing this helps me put things into perspective. I need to stop now though... before my tears short out the keyboard. I hope she gets well. I hope she gets well, and then I feel bad, because so many of my reasons for hoping are selfish.
:: Steve Benway 7:27 PM [+] ::
Monday, March 04, 2002
My gran's been taken into hospital with what looks like a stroke. No word on her condition yet. I feel quite sick, but I'm not going to say any more than that on it. I need to go and make some phonecalls.
:: Steve Benway 3:28 PM [+] ::
You know, it's amazing how much better I feel after that. Now I have to face the backlash, but it was worth it, just to preserve my sanity
:: Steve Benway 9:14 AM [+] ::
It must be the full moon, so I apologise in advance to those who I'm about to upset
What you're about to see is something not many people get to see very often, and it's a good job too. Either it's the full moon, I'm bi-polar, or I'm simply cracking up... but I have to get this little rant off my chest before my head explodes, so... here he is in all his fury... it's full on EVIL BENWAY!!!
You're having trouble with your boyfriend, and because he happens to be my best friend, you want me to help? NO! FUCK OFF and keep me out of your screwed up relationship. I don't care. It's not my problem, or my responsibility, I don't want to deal with it, and don't you dare bring that kind of crap into my chatroom!!!! You want to know how not to annoy me when I'm in this frame of mind? Don't ask me questions like that... it annoys the crap out of me. The chat network's playing up and you can't get into the room? What the bloody hell do you expect me to do about it? I can't get into the room either. Stop wasting my time with stupid bloody questions. How do you see the webcams in the chatroom? READ THE INSTRUCTIONS, you stupid, braindead, aol using moron. You want my money because you can't be bothered to do your job properly and get the paperwork in order? I'll see you in court and you can kiss my skinny arse you incompetent blithering idiot, and take that smug look off your face while you're talking to me, before I wipe the floor with it!!!
You want something from me? NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAARRRRGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!
Well crap. newnet's falling apart again, and I missed the Australian Grand Prix too. Oh well, I guess I'll just watch the highlights at 11:45, and wait for the chat network to pull itself together. I have coke, I have cigs, I have Nine Inch Nails blasting from the stereo.... "Nothing can stop me now."
:: Steve Benway 9:50 PM [+] ::
What's with this octopus thing anyway?
Anyone who knows me from the various chatroom's I've been in, especially the one on my website, will be familiar with `the octopus`. Now I figure I'll explain where it came from, and how it relates to this blog.
Way back, when I'd just gotten onto the net, and started using irc chat, I didn't have a pc... I was using an amiga. Now, most of the people I spoke to were pc users, using a piece of software called mirc, One of the features of which is the 'slap', which basicly does this... *Benway slaps george around a bit with a large trout. So, as I wasn't using mirc, I didn't have the 'slap', but found the idea rather amusing, and configured a button on my software to do something similar. Wanting to be a bit different though, I felt something other than to a trout was needed. I asked myself, what's more amusing in a visual sense, than someone being slapped in the face with a trout? Now just picture it, taking this huge, writhing, deranged octopus, tentacles flying and sticking everywhere, and slapping someone in the face with it. Needless to say, the octopus soon became legendary, if misunderstood. So what does that have to do with this blog? I was talking with arry in the chatroom about blogs in general, how I needed a new title for this thing, and also about how I tend to spread my tentacles across the net, and examine the latest thing that catches my interest, before moving on again. To this she answered "I found something the other day that you'd love. It's this crazy purple rubber squeaky octopus." So, with my love of the colour purple (both of my main websites are VERY purple), strange fascination with deranged octopi, and creeping tentacles across the net, that was decided upon as the perfect title for this blog. For the record, that pic up there in the corner is indead the aforementioned octopus.
Dismiss this as a load of old twaddle if you will, but should you one day wonder about those barely visible smeared sucker marks across the website you're looking at, you'll know where they came from.
:: Steve Benway 9:11 PM [+] ::
I'm sorry. I'm really REALLY sorry. I have to do something very nerdy now. I have to talk about Star Trek for a moment. I've been watching Enterprise for a few weeks, and thoroughly enjoy it, but it got me to thinking on a thing... their use of character types, or more specifically, their repetative use of the same character types. What do I mean? Surely you've noticed? From the very beginning, there's been the steady, level headed, logical type, starting with Spok, then Data, Odo (to a lesser extent), Tuvok, Seven of Nine (in a slightly different way) and now T'Pol. They actually appear to have realised they were onto a winner with the `strong logical female` character, as they've done a very good job of replicating Seven's more interesting character traits, when creating T'Pol. (I'll stop drooling in a moment, I just love logical assertive women with just a hint of sensetivity) So, another type? How about the slightly annoying, not entirely with it, but still rather likeable character? This type didn't really appear until DS9 in the shape of Quark, then Neelix, and now that new doctor, who's name escapes me. (Is he really not Neelix? He looks and acts far too much like him.) The thing that really surprises me though, with all their deeply thought out, and tightly targetted character types, each aimed to appeal to a particular type of viewer.... why oh why did it take them so damned long to realise that the 'naieve young person, who's still learning what it's all about' type character TOTALLY SUCKS?!! We've had to suffer Wesley Crusher, Jake Sisko, and only when they replaced Kes with Seven of Nine did they finally see sense. Considering the money they so clearly pile into researching their audience, to fine tune the characters in these shows, how could they have gotten that character type so wrong? Okay, Jake grew up, and Kes kinda turned into some energy being and vanished, but please, couldn't they have just shot Welsey Crusher or something?
I guess I could've said all of that in a much shorter form... "Don't they use the same type of character a lot, and shouldn't Welsey Crusher have been tossed out of the nearest air lock?" but that wouldn't have been nearly as much fun for me.
Thanks for bearing with me, and I promise, I'll never do that again. It's just something I had to get off my chest.
Oh... do you by chance read Spiderman comics?.............. *evil grin*
:: Steve Benway 6:40 PM [+] ::
*Sigh* Sundays. What is it about sundays? They should be a good day. No work, (assuming you work) a day to relax and do whatever you feel like. So why don't I like sundays? Maybe it's because all the shops and offices are closed, so I can't do any of the things that need to be done. Doesn't that kind of suck? Here you are with a free day, free time to get stuff done, but everyone else is having a free day too, including the people you need to deal with. More than that... you now have all this free time to ponder the things you'd like to be doing, but can't. Hehehe.... I'm so selfish. I want my day off, but damnit, everyone else should be at work, so I can do all these things at my leisure.
:: Steve Benway 3:31 PM [+] ::
All I can say about this is, Trent Reznor is God... at least, he is when David Bowie`s on holiday.
Yes yes yes, more blogs in the links section, and here I'd said I wasn't gonna read any more, but bollox, what am I supposed to do when I can't get into chat? After sifting through masses of mindless twaddle, and links to crap that no-one in their right mind would be interested in, I've managed to find these few that are really rather good. No, seriously, you don't have to thank me, just send me money or something ;-)
:: Steve Benway 9:47 PM [+] ::
Damnit, damnit, damnit, damnit!!! I can't get into chat. Newnet sucks. I'm sure there's no-one sitting there waiting, thinking "where's Steve?" but still... it's frustrating. Now, have you ever watched Scrubs on tv? I've been watching that show for a month or so now, and it's finally filled the gaping hole left in me since they stopped making MASH. Yeah, yeah, I'm being melodramatic, but I can't help it. It's that combination of humanity, tragedy, sensetive yet brutally real humour. It says "Life sucks, but you're not the only one who feels it, so have a laugh while your crying in the corner"
:: Steve Benway 9:02 PM [+] ::
NRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrRRRRRRRRRRR!!!! No, that's not me taking a dump. Either the guy downstairs has some new powertool fetish, or he has a girlfiend with a superduper turbocharged vibrator that just won't quit. Whichever it is, it's doing my head in, bigtime.
:: Steve Benway 8:45 PM [+] ::
Ummm.... that's not right. I never sleep for 16 hours. 10 is pretty normal for me, 12 is being lazy, 14 if I'm troubled or ill... but wtf is with 16 hours? Maybe I should sleep on it, and the answer will come to me. Err... maybe not.
:: Steve Benway 7:10 PM [+] ::
davinci-> when i was a kid i gave our cat catnip. he got loaded as hell. it was totally cool davinci-> i was envious * @Benway grins @Benway> I`ll have to try it on mine sometime. Might chill him out davinci-> just be carful dude davinci-> or one day you'll come home and find him OD'd with a needle in his arm
:: Steve Benway 1:05 AM [+] ::
So now I`m left with a choice. I have a thumping headache, and I could take another asprin, as one doesn`t seem to have done the trick. The trouble is, when I take two, it always fixes the headache, but makes me feel sick to my stomach. Not a very good trade, to be honest. Paracetamol would fix this, no problem, but I`m all out of the stuff. Oh well. Sorry, I don't mean to be a whiney old git. Hmm... maybe I could use that vibrating massager thing on my head. NO.. the head on my shoulders, stupid :-P
:: Steve Benway 12:32 AM [+] ::
Friday, March 01, 2002
So er... *whispers* do you spank the monkey? No seriously... do you? Try THIS site out, and see just how fast you can do it. I've been spanking the monkey for 20 mins now, and hit 1793 mph so far ;-)
:: Steve Benway 9:31 PM [+] ::
Oops, a couple of messages before I nip out. Arry... HAPPY BIRTHDAY :-) and to b in New York, I dunno if you read this, but I feel for you, get better soon.
:: Steve Benway 7:13 PM [+] ::
Stupid, stupid, stupid, STUPID! I went to bed around 4 or 5am, planning to just have a couple of hours nap, then get up again, post some more in this blog, go back into chat, and then into town. So what happened? Hah! I initially woke up around 6-7 hours later... 11am, got up, checked a few stats and emails online, and then decided "nah, I`m too tired. I`ll catch another couple of hours sleep before going into town" Bad move. The next thing I knew it was 6:30pm, so aside from the 10 mins checking email and stuff, I've just slept for 13 - 14 hours straight. Do I have a headache? You'd better believe it. I'm finding myself still rather aggravated by something a friend said last night. I was explaining the concept of weblogs to them, and their response was "Doesn't sound like my cup of tea. In fact, it sounds fucking boring." Now okay, everyone's entitled to their opinion, but online, there are those who just take, and those who actually give something back. Each to their own of course... but for someone who's never actually put ANYTHING back to deride the efforts of those who do, without even having looked at a blog first... that pisses me off bigtime. It's not that I particularly wanted him to read mine, or to start his own... just to take a look at any of the thousands of blogs on here, and see what it's all about.
Rant over. I'm just sitting here drinking coffee and smoking a cig now, trying to pull my head together enough to go to the local(ish) shops, and do a bit of grocery shopping. I'd just go to the local shop, but I need to get to an atm for some money first. Back later.
:: Steve Benway 7:03 PM [+] ::